QVC Intervention

I hate QVC.  But my dad... he really hates QVC.  He was very troubled when he learned that one of his friends might be falling into the QVC abyss.  Friends don’t let friends watch QVC!  This is a repost from an “intervention” to a friend who was observed engaging in QVC-activity twice in one week!  Feel free to use the following to those loved ones you think might fall prey to QVC’s evil ways:

This is how "it starts." You'll think, "Ahhhh QVC is a nice channel, relaxing, good products, friendly, kind hosts." The next thing you know their evil subliminal messages will have you ordering early Mayan faux jewelry, seven (of the same) Wolfgang Puck sauce pans, multiple panini-makers, and the EZ-Lift so you can lift your furniture onto plastic disks and move them around the house. Your house will fill with boxes and boxes of QVC items that you have bought using the "three easy pay" installments. Subsequently your credit cards are maxed out; as a result you can no longer afford to go out and drink martinis, so you sit in your house looking at your VitaMix, Sean White Snowblower, and all your other QVC junk. Then you begin to call the QVC 800 number to chat with their Indian support people.... because them and the UPS driver (who is now delivering six boxes a day) are the only people you talk to anymore. You can't move your QVC boxes to get out of the house, nor can you invite anyone over since your half put together Super Ab-cruncher machine is laying all over the couch. You become "that" crazy QVC woman that people post about on Facebook. And it all started because you fell asleep to the evil whisperings of QVC hosts talking about contour waste pants.

Arriving at my New Home!

The sign speaks for itself.  We busted down Route 10 from San Antonio all the way into Los Angeles!

We arrived at home at Pasadena, CA on May 26, 2011 at 9:45pm, concluding the Zack Attack Across America.  I had so much fun with my dad, and this trip will be something to always remember.

A few fun facts about the Zack Attack Across America:

Amount of time:  19 Days

States Visited:  21

Number of miles driven:  5475 miles

Number of special guests:  18

Number of times dined at Chik Fil A: 11 (once ate three meals in a row there!)

My Favorite Moment:  "Eating Mickey Mouse ice cream at apricott (Epcott)"

Daddy's Favorite Moment:  "Watching the Space Shuttle take off. Second, seeing Zack's face when he saw the Epcott Ball."

Most listened to music:  Matt Dusk - Live From Las Vegas!

Most drunk beverage:  Orange Drank... errrr, Orange Soda.

Best Little Known Fact Not Posted on the ZA3 Blog:  I ran away from a scary skeleton in San Antonio.

Worse Moment:  Sunburn on shoulders in Texas

Red State/Blue State Ratio:  11 / 10

Fastest Speed (where): 95 mph - Arizona

Slowest speed (where): 10 mph - Route 95 in Virginia (just South of DC)

Best Julie McCoy:  A - for showing us around NYC.

I hope you enjoyed reading this.  I am going to take the summer off from blogging and then start posting once I start going to school.  Yes!  I start Kindergarten in September!

Remember to comment on my posts ... I will write back!

-- Zack

ZackAttackAcrossAmerica (ZAcubed)

Aunt Bert

My Great Aunt Bert is turning 93 years old in July.  Her birthday is only 4 days before mine!  She grew up in San Antonio and has lived in the area most of her life.  She has some great stories about my granddad, who I never got the chance to meet.  I would have had a great time with him playing tricks on Nana!  HA HA HA! 

We met Aunt Bert for lunch and also dinner.  We took a break in between so that I could go back to the hotel and swim in the pool.  Here is a photo of me and Aunt Bert.  She doesn’t even look close to being 93!



Me and my Great Aunt Bert!



Before we met up for dinner, we decided to go to the backyard of Aunt Bert’s house and check out the river.  The river was pretty low, and it was hard to imagine this river rose up 50 feet and flooded her house back in the early 2000s. 



Standing by the river at Aunt Bert's house



I was throwing rocks in the river and learning how to skip stones.  The flat ones are the best!  It was super hot and humid outside and I got a big red face.



I had a big red face after throwing rocks



My dad told me the story that when he came here in 1978, he and Uncle Mickey would fish right here on the bank, so I pretended to fish too!



I caught a gigantic 45 foot fish!!!!!



I had a great time hanging out with my dad at Aunt Bert's house.  I had to take one last photo so I will always remember it!



River running through Aunt Bert's property in Castroville, TX



Castroville

Great Aunt Bert lives in Castroville, Texas, which is about 25 miles outside of San Antonio.  We decided to stay in Castroville and found an awesome place, and I even got to swim a few times because the Castroville Inn had a nice pool.  I was surprised it wasn’t scary like those old school 1960s Motel 6 pools.

Here are some pictures of the hotel we stayed at in Castroville, TX.



Me and my shades at the Castroville Inn







Here I am playing in the Castroville Inn backyard. 
See the cactus in the background!





Remember the Alamo!!!!!

After we checked out the Riverwalk, I went to see the famous Alamo… no, not the car rental place, but the fort where a few guys fought off a lot of guys from Santa Ana’s army.  Here I am with Elephant in front of the Alamo:



In front of the... ummm, oh yeah, I remember now: The Alamo!



There have been a number of comments and tweets about my cool shades.  Those are actually my poker playing shades.  I used to use them at the.01/.02 Hold ‘Em game at the daycare center in Ashburn.  I’ve been playing a lot and built my stack up to about $4.22!

I just wanted to take a picture in front of the place because I thought, “it looks too old in there.”

The San Antonio Riverwalk

My Aunt Bert, well I suppose she would be my Great Aunt Bert, lives in Castroville, Texas.  Luckily, Castroville is right outside of San Antonio.  If I had to go to two places in Texas I would go to San Antonio or Austin. 

My dad and I went to San Antonio and did a bunch of cool things.  We went to the Riverwalk and floated on a boat down the river.  I brought Elephant with me!



Excited Elephant on the boat at the
San Antonio Riverwalk







On the boat floating down the river in San Antonio





After the boat ride we walked up and down the Riverwalk.  I was looking for some cool puppets.  We stopped at a place to eat.  I got some good cheese quesadillas, orange soda, and a great view of the river.



Salt plus orange soda = yummy!



While I was eating these people came over and started playing the Texas-two-step, so Elephant and I went out there and started dancing.  A lot of people found me very entertaining and the musician people were getting lots of tips.  I was like that guy who Kid Rock used to tote around, or the dancing guy from the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones!

Since I am moving to Southern California, maybe I will go to Venice Beach and try out my other career… but I probably shouldn’t play any Texas music… I might get run out of the State!



Dancing







Flat Texas

Today we are off to visit my Aunt Bert in Castroville, Texas.  The worse part about this is that I have to drive through ARKANSAS, and TEXAS!  Luckily, I did not have to talk with anyone in Arkansas.  We stopped for gas and took off.  When I was one year old, I had more teeth than everyone at that gas station!

Another thing about driving through Texas... or as my friend DAVEELLIS says, "Texass" ... is it is boooooooooooooooooooooooring and the scenery sucks!  See for yourself:



Flat flat flat



I'm a 5 Guys Veteran

After a full day of swimming, everyone decided to go to a new place that just opened... 5 Guys!  As you know, I am from NOVA and that is where 5 Guys started.  I have been there a number of times AND I have even eaten the hotdogs there!  Yes, some people do not know that they sell hotdogs.

My favorite part of Cinco Hombres is eating the peanuts and throwing the shells on the floor.  Too much fun!
Anyway, we got there and LOOK AT THIS LINE:



Super duper big line at 5 Guys... I love their burgers but not this line!



I overheard people talking about how excited they were to try this burger that they have been hearing about.  We decided not to wait in line and went to a pizza joint.  Since I had been swimming all day I was super tired and fell asleep in the restaurant!

Swimming Time!

Today I decided to take it easy and go swimming... all day!!!!  I love to go into the pool with my floaty-vest and bob around like a ball.  I also got to be the ball ... my cousin Kelsey and her friend Eric were throwing me all over the pool.  I guess the game was called "Zack Tossing" or "Tic-Tac-Zack."

Here's a pic of me and my cuz.



Kelsey and I in the pool. My toupee is still dry at this point.



The weather was nice, apparently it can be super humid and nasty.  My entourage of angry birds, pillow pet, moose and elephant were resting comfortably inside.  They do not like to go near water because they will shrink.  My dad had fun too - he was sitting in a lounge chair drinking cocktails, since he said that he sinks in pools!  I guess I am the only one who loves pools!!!!

Memphis Here I Come!

My next destination is Memphis, TN.  My Aunt Lisa, Uncle Kevin and cousin Kelsey live there.  Elvis used to live there too!  There is a distinct "Elvis Theme" throughout this trip.  Unfortunately I will not be stopping in Las Vegas to see a "fat" Elvis impersonator.

The first thing that I saw was the fake Statue of Liberty.  Here it is:

Fake Statue of Liberty in Memphis, TN

The fake Statue of Liberty is located in the Memphis ghetto and it was a lot less tall than the real Statue of Liberty.  Instead of being across from a Harbor, it was across from a Piggly Wiggly.  Instead of having an inspirational message about Liberty on it (like the real Statue)... at the base of the fake Statue it says:  "America Return to Christ."  Return what to Christ?  Maybe America has a few books over due from his library?  Or maybe the couch that many people find Jesus under needs returning?  I just don't know, but I did not want to stick around to find out!  I would like to see a battle break out between the fake Statue of Liberty and the Gigantic Paul Bunyan.

Off to KL&K's house (that would be Kevin/Lisa/Kelsey).  I heard rumors that they have a swimming pool and that the weather will be nice this weekend.  I am planning on resting over the weekend before I begin eating tons of miles in my push out West!

60 Million minus 59,999,990

At one point there were 60 million buffalo roaming the Western United States.  Subtract about 59,999,990 and I would have seen the last 10 in the US... HERE... at the Buffalo Farm in Tupelo, MS.  Well, actually, there probably more bison than that in the US, but it sounded more dramatic.  I was also going to make a 0-4 Buffalo Bills reference, but that would have been a reference waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay old... in the NINETIES!

At the Buffalo Farm.  Tupelo, MS

The best part about the Buffalo farm was that I didn't see OJ, and the second best part was this cool, scary fake buffalo!  He had red eyes and was big.  However, he was not as big as the biggest Paul Bunyan that I saw in Maine!

Scary red eyed buffalo at the Buffalo Farm in Tupelo, MS

 After the visit to see the Buffalo it was off to MEMPHIS!

Elvis' House

This morning I went to see Elvis' house -- not Graceland, but the house he grew up in as a boy.  This is much cooler.

They turned his house into a Tourist Campus!!!!  There is a museum (and of course, gift shop) around the original house, well, it looks like they painted it since he lived there.  There was a cool swing in front that I could sit and swing on.  The security guy who was there didn't even yell at me.

Sitting in front of Elvis' childhood home in Tupelo, MS

There were all sorts of German tourists there, so I was careful to stay close to my dad.  Anyways, there was this one German woman who was crying at this sign:

In front of Elvis sign.  Tupelo, MS

I saw an Elvis statue.  He looked pretty creepy.  This was a statue of the super young Elvis, not the fat one.  I suppose all the fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches he ate at Johnny's turned him into fat Elvis!

Me with the creepy super young Elvis statue at Tupelo, MS

The gift shop had all sorts of Elvis things.  I got a few postcards that I sent out to my most loyal ZackAttackAcrossAmerica followers.  I even sent a post card with the peanut butter/banana sandwich recipe to Uncle Jimbo!  I'm sure he will love that!  In the gift shop, there was an old woman who I asked if she was Elvis' mom, but she said she wasn't.

Now it is off to the Buffalo ranch!

Elvis is in the Building!!!

What would a road trip be without some kind of Elvis sighting.  I decided I would not do the boring, touristy thing and just go to Graceland.  I decided I would go to Tupelo, Mississippi ... Elvis' birthplace.  I also wanted to go to the place where Elvis ate fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches!

In front of Elvis' favorite place: Johnny's Pit Bar BQ where
he would get fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches!

I went to Johnny's Pit Bar BQ where Elvis used to go to and get lots of fried food.  I had the fried dough burger!  Yum.  I needed to get nitroglycerin tablets after my meal in case I had a heart attack!  There were pictures of all sorts of famous people on the wall.  For example, one of my favorite singers, Paul Thorn was on there!  I don't think my other favorite singer, Matt Dusk has been there yet, since his photo wasn't on the wall.  Maybe they would put Canadian Maple Syrup on the dough burger... he'd love that!!! 

Lots of Elvis stuff on the wall of Johnny's Pit Bar BQ

At Johnny's Pit Bar BQ. Maybe they'll put a pic of me on the wall

Aunt Karen Rocks!

My special guest for this evening is none other than the famous Aunt Karen!  Hurray!  Aunt Karen is cool because she is super smart and down to earth AND she loves Harry Potter and pizza.  I got to go with Aunt Karen to eat some good pizza.

Here we are discussing important world matters over cheese pizza:

We were discussing the socioeconomic ramifications
if Lord Voldemort killed all the muggles and suspended free
market trading.

I also got to ride in her zippy convertible.  Luckily I had just super glued my toupee on, so it did not move an inch!  I was unable to get any photos with the Gator, he was on vacation in Walawala, Washington.  And there were very few frat people doing keg stands, how disappointing.

I did find out that I am slightly allergic to cats!!!!!!  While we were waiting for Aunt Karen to get ready to go out, I was terrorizing her kitty.  Then, her kitty put the smack down on me with itchy eyes, runny nose, coughing and a rash.  Well, that is good to know!  Now I can remember to stay away from authentic restaurants in Shanghai.

Well, we are off to Elvis' crib in Tupelo and then on to Memphis.  I got a great goodbye hug from Aunt Karen!

This photo makes me look tall, or that I
am on stilts.

Let's Do It Again!

I loved going to Epcot and the Animal Kingdom so much I got to go back to Disney's Hollywood Studios (formerly called the MGM Studios).  I am pretty dramatic.  I act like a crybaby with gusto; make bitter faces that are so ugly they can stop a train; my fake smile is better than any fake Beverly Hills woman's smile; and if I fall down I can scream like someone is amputating my arm and eating it for dinner.  Check out some of my more dramatic photos:

I am angry. I call this my "avitar face."

Good crybaby face. I kept food in my
mouth to make it more dramatic.
NOTE: No red makeup was involved!

This is my sad face. If I was that
kid in Kramer vs. Kramer I would
make this face a lot.

This is my fake smile. Most people
cannot tell this from my real smile.
I am a good actor like that.

Can you tell who I am acting like? 
The Slingblade guy, of course.
"He's just a boy shuntadundat."

I am acting silly. I got this leaf to stick
to my face. I could try out for Bugs Life 2.

I am really good at pretending to be
sleeping. You could blow up a gigantic
bomb and I could stay in character
and not flinch.

After seeing the above dramatic masterpiece theater pictures you can see why I was so excited to go to Disney Studios!  I went on the Bug Life "ride" and I didn't like it because spiders dropped from the ceiling.  They were tricky spiders!

So, I decided to do stuff more my speed.  I went to San Francisco, and then New York City (again!), however, it seemed that each place at the Disney Studios was pretty flat and two dimensional.

San Francisco, the home of the World
Champion San Francisco Giants!

NYC:  Zombieland!

You can see me in the New York picture... I am acting.  I am acting that I just saw some zombies come out of the sewer and they are eating people's brains! I am ready to do a hi-yaka on them....... Action Zack!

Finally, before we left to drive to Gainesville and see Aunty Karen, I wanted to go to the Beauty and the Beast show.  I like all the objects, like cups, silverware, and teapots that have faces and move around.  You should see those dancing knives, they can really tear up the rug!  Here I am enjoying the show:

Mesmerized by Belle.

Now it is off to Gainesville to visit with alligators, drunk frat kids and Aunty Karen.

Every Little Tourist Photo Since 1955

Below are two photos I took with my favorite stuffed guys!  Mickey and Goofy.
Every kid who went to Disney since 1955 has photos like this, I'm sure.

The Happiest Place on Earth

Some places in Florida are like Las Vegas.  In Las Vegas you can go from the Eiffel Tower to the streets of NY.  In Orlando, you can go to a Waffle House and then drive 10 minutes and be in Africa!

I took a day of rest and went to Disney’s Animal Kingdom, where I saw all sorts of cool animals.  These were real animals too, not people dressed in stuffed suits.  We boarded a safari tram car and went to see the animals.  I saw giraffes, hippos and lions, and made sure I pointed them out so everyone saw them.  I did not see Marlin Perkins or Kung Fu Panda anywhere.

I got to speak with lots of safari people.  I was able to learn about all different animals, and identify items that existed in their environment.  I had lots of fun digging for Dinosaur bones!  But I did not like the Dinosaur ride … it was SCARY!

After I was done at the Animal Kingdom I went to Epcot, or as I was calling it, “apricot.” 

I loved the ride that was in the big ball… it was called all about communication from the past to the future!  My second favorite ride was the one in Mexico, which was a boat ride.  I went to all different countries: Mexico, Italy, France, Norway, Japan, China, and Germany.  I even saw this tiny little town...

The tiny town was pretty creepy, but luckily I didn't see any tiny people in the tiny town.  I wonder who would build a tiny town like that?

My favorite part of Disney was....

Eating an ice cream that looked like a mickey mouse head.  The regular ice cream was $3 the Mickey Mouse head was $4!  Gotta pay for the logo! 

After all the daytime shenanigans, I saw a show that lit up all the countries at Epcot, played music from that country, and shot fireworks all over the sky.  I got a cool light up fan, which lasted for approximately 32 minutes until the batteries ran out and the fan stopped working.  Ironic that the show lasted 32 minutes.  Hmmmm.

My Special Guests

Here are some photos with my special guests who I visited in Florida.

Grandpa and my toupee

Ready terrorizing me

Me terrorizing Ready

Me and Secret

My Golden Retriever Pillow Pet

Me and Costco Shopping Cart